some more Lumière films

"Promenade of Ostriches, Paris Botanical Gardens" (short), 1896. A short parade of exotic animals. Unknown director.

Concept: 1/4 (Bad)
Story: 0/4 (Terrible)
Characters: n/a
Dialog: n/a
Pacing: 2/4 (Indifferent)
Cinematography: 2/4 (Indifferent)
Special effects/design: n/a
Acting: n/a
Music: 2/4 (Indifferent)
Subjective Rating: 3/10 (Bad, 1/4). You call that a promenade of ostriches? There's only one ostrich! Seriously, though, this is dumb.
Objective Rating (Average): 1.3/4 (Bad)

"Childish Quarrel" (short), 1896. A baby abuses another baby. Unknown director.

Concept: 0/4 (Terrible)
Story: 0/4 (Terrible)
Characters: 0/4 (Terrible)
Dialog: n/a
Pacing: 2/4 (Indifferent)
Cinematography: 2/4 (Indifferent)
Special effects/design: n/a
Acting: n/a
Music: 2/4 (Indifferent)
Subjective Rating: 2/10 (Terrible, 0/4). I don't care if this is one of the first films. Taking pictures of your kids will never be interesting to anyone, ever.
Objective Rating (Average): 0.9/4 (Very bad)

"Lion, London Zoological Garden" (short), 1896. A zookeeper feeds a lion through bars. Unknown director.

Concept: 1/4 (Bad)
Story: 0/4 (Terrible)
Characters: 1/4 (Bad)
Dialog: n/a
Pacing: 2/4 (Indifferent)
Cinematography: 1/4 (Bad)
Special effects/design: n/a
Acting: n/a
Music: 2/4 (Indifferent)
Subjective Rating: 3/10 (Bad, 1/4). I guess it might be interesting if you've never seen a lion before.
Objective Rating (Average): 1.1/4 (Bad)

"Demolition of a Wall" (short), 1896. A wall is knocked down. Directed by Louis Lumière. Starring Auguste Lumière.

Concept: 1/4 (Bad)
Story: 0/4 (Terrible)
Characters: n/a
Dialog: n/a
Pacing: 2/4 (Indifferent)
Cinematography: 2/4 (Indifferent)
Special effects/design: n/a
Acting: n/a
Music: 2/4 (Indifferent)
Subjective Rating: 3/10 (Bad, 1/4). Yep, they sure demolished that wall...
Objective Rating (Average): 1.3/4 (Bad)

"Transformation by Hats, Comic View" (short), 1895. A man portrays a rapid series of characters. Directed by Louis Lumière.

Concept: 2/4 (Indifferent)
Story: 0/4 (Terrible)
Characters: 2/4 (Indifferent). Pretty darn good for a few seconds apiece.
Dialog: n/a
Pacing: 3/4 (Good)
Cinematography: 2/4 (Indifferent)
Special effects/design: 4/4 (Great)
Acting: 3/4 (Good)
Music: 2/4 (Indifferent)
Subjective Rating: 5/10 (Indifferent, 2/4). An actor! Doing something designed to entertain! Now we're really getting somewhere. Also, for what it's worth, it has one of my all-time favorite titles.
Objective Rating (Average): 2.2/4 (Okay)