June 6, 2012

the first half hour of John Carter

John Carter, 2012. A confederate soldier teleports to Mars, where a bad guy has a death ray.

Directed by Andrew Stanton. Written by Stanton, Mark Andrews & Michael Chabon, based on a book by Edgar Rice Burroughs. Starring Taylor Kitsch.

(unofficial ratings, as the movie is too bad to actually watch)
Subjective Rating: 0/10 (Torture, 0/4). Amazing levels of inept storytelling. Zero sense of fun, whatsoever. I was kept awake last night, just lying there thinking about how awful this movie is. It will haunt me for days. Go back to Pixar, Andrew Stanton; you need them, desperately. (They probably don't need you, though. If you thought this crap was watchable, you couldn't possibly have been the one behind Wall-E  or Finding Nemo. It just doesn't make sense.)
(Estimated) Objective Rating: 1.2/4 (Bad)

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