November 1, 2010

Bad Horror VSM wrap-up

I've learned a few things from the Bad Horror Very Slow Marathon.

#1: Don't put a time limit on movie marathons. (They're called "Very Slow Marathons" for a reason. Real marathons always seem like a good idea, and never are.)

#2: Don't commit yourself to watching movies that you have no reason to think will be worth watching. (In future marathons, all questionable titles will be strictly optional, subject to the "wait, why am I watching this sh**?" clause.)

#3, and this one is important: Don't ever buy a DVD made by "TGG Direct." (They're not cheap just because the contents are in the public domain. Many of the movies in the set are copied from old VHS tapes. The soundtrack of at least half of them is out of sync. And all of them are at a video quality that makes youtube look good. Presumably the reason for this last point is to save the few cents that more discs would cost, the bastards.)

And as long as I'm making this wrap-up post, I might as well rank the movies (ordered by "subjective score," with ties broken by "objective score"):

Tier 1: worth watching
1. Night of the Living Dead, 1968 (8/10, 2.9/4)
2. House on Haunted Hill, 1959 (7/10, 2.7/4)
3. The Last Man on Earth, 1964 (7/10, 2.3/4)
4. Count Dracula and His Vampire Bride, 1974 (6/10, 2.3/4)

Tier 2: kind of unpleasant but at least they're good for a laugh
5. I Bury the Living, 1958 (4/10, 1.5/4)
6. Bloody Pit of Horror, 1965 (4/10, 1.0/4)
7. Dementia 13, 1963 (3/10, 1.5/4)
8. Blood Tide, 1982 (3/10, 1.3/4)
9. Nightmare Castle, 1965 (3/10, 1.3/4)
10. The Undertaker and His Pals, 1966 (3/10, 0.9/4)

Tier 3: People might pay good money to leave a theater showing this crap
11. Fangs of the Living Dead, 1969 (2/10, 0.8/4)
12. Carnival of Souls, 1962 (2/10, 0.8/4)
13. Dominique Is Dead, 1978 (2/10, 0.7/4)
14. The Ghost, 1963 (2/10, 0.6/4)

Teir 4: I just lost all respect for Christopher Plummer, as an actor and as a human being
15. The Pyx, 1973 (1/10, 0.3/4) - THE worst movie I have ever seen (or ever expect to see)

We now return you to your regularly scheduled Top 63 Marathon, already in progress.

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